Practical Ways to Overcome Loneliness in a Big City

We've all been there — you're standing in a group at a party, walking down a busy street, sitting at a packed coffee shop, and all around you are people… but you feel lonely. Busy, big cities like DC, although exciting and full of possibility for social connection, can often feel isolating. Dealing with loneliness in a big city is normal, but the good news is there are ways to find the antidote: connection and belonging.

In the DMV, it is completely normal for young adults to experience loneliness and isolation. Loneliness in DC and the DMV may be due to any number of factors. Maybe you just graduated college and moved to DC away from your social group or your family. Maybe you had a great community, but due to the transient nature of DC, your friends moved away and you're feeling isolated. Maybe you spend all day at your job with no time left for making connections, leaving you bored and lonely on the weekends.

If you're looking to find a sense of belonging within your city, read on for tips and tricks! We'll talk about how to identify the communities you want to be a part of, stretch out of your comfort zone to make connections, reprioritize your day to make time for your social life, how to feel tied to a community without even having to speak to anyone, and how therapy can help you build the life you want to live.

Let's Find Out Who You Are

Building connection with others is directly tied to feeling like you belong — in a space, in a group of people, at an event, and so on. In the DMV and DC area, there are many places tied to identity where you might start to find a sense of belonging. Think about the identities you hold and the things that make up who you are. These might include:

Age
Religion
Sexual identity
Gender identity
Race or ethnicity
Language(s) you speak
Marital status
Things you love to do — being an athlete, musician, dancer, etc.

Once you've mapped out the pieces of your identity through which you might want to connect with others, you can start to brainstorm where you might find people who share similar experiences.

For instance, you might look for:

Post-graduate events, young adult events, or early 30s meetups
Singles events
LGBTQ+ bars, sober spaces, or recreational sports leagues
Religious institutions with groups and services, such as a synagogue, church, mosque, or other spiritual center
A language group where you can meet up and converse
A run club, sports league, orchestra or band, dance troupe, or community theater production

Though lived experience can vary within identities, having some common ground — and seeing parts of yourself reflected in those around you — can be a powerful tool for finding connection and belonging

Ready to Stretch Out of Your Comfort Zone?

For many people, putting yourself in new social situations can be anxiety-inducing. However, in order to find connection, you often have to push yourself out of your comfort zone. As a therapist for young adults in the DMV, I often use the concept of Challenging Negative Thoughts to help my clients build confidence in stepping outside of their comfort zone.

Unfortunately, we don't get to choose every thought that passes through our head. Fortunately, though, we do get to choose how we relate to those thoughts and which ones we give credit to. Before, during, or after a new social situation, you might find yourself scrutinizing something you said or did, second-guessing whether others enjoyed spending time with you, or talking yourself out of ever putting yourself out there again. Instead of following a negative thought spiral all the way down, try asking yourself these questions:

What is the evidence for this negative thought?
What is the evidence against this negative thought?
Will this thought matter in 5 years? 10 years?
What would I tell a friend who expressed this same thought?

Social anxiety can also make it difficult for some people to feel comfortable enough to put themselves out there. Social anxiety might feel like heightened nervousness at the thought of being around others, feeling self-conscious and evaluating your every move, fearing negative judgment during social interactions, or avoiding social situations altogether. At The Sterling Group, we specialize in anxiety. Talking to a therapist can help you identify your fears, build coping strategies, and challenge yourself to more confidently engage in your social life.

Can I Find Connection Without Having to Talk to Anyone?

Absolutely! Sometimes it isn't realistic to find connection through direct conversation with others. There might be a time when all of your friends are busy, you've just moved to a new city, or you simply have no specific plans for the day. Connection isn't always one-on-one — sometimes it can be deeply fulfilling to simply be around others and find belonging by engaging with your city.

This might look like:

Finding a new coffee shop to sit and work in
Taking a walk through a bustling neighborhood or public park
Browsing a bookstore, vintage store, or record shop
Looking up a local event and checking it out — a street festival, pop-up concert, or outdoor movie
Running errands — yes, chores can help you feel more connected! A trip to the grocery store, pharmacy, or post office puts you around others with a sense of purpose

How to Make Time for Social Connection

Building community takes time and effort. It is normal to feel drained after a long day of work or unmotivated to leave the house on a gray, dreary day. But your health depends on your ability to prioritize filling up the cup of your social life. Dealing with loneliness isn't just an emotional struggle — loneliness carries real risk for mental health conditions, according to the American Psychological Association, including poor sleep quality, impaired executive functioning, and depression. Just as you might prioritize exercise for the wellbeing of your body, it's important to prioritize being around others and building connections for the wellbeing of your mind.

To start, set small and attainable goals. Let's move the goalpost from "overhaul my social life" to "what is one social thing I can do this week?" It might not be realistic to join a recreational sports league on a weeknight right away, or commit to the rehearsal schedule of a community theater production. Is there an upcoming event at a museum, bar, or game store that sparks your interest? Put it on your calendar and prioritize getting there. Know what you're willing to adjust to make space for connection — maybe you leave work a little earlier one day to say "yes" to plans you'd normally skip. Instead of waiting for the perfect time or condition, start saying yes, planning ahead, and treating socialization as a genuine necessity for your health.

How Can Therapy Help?

Although common, loneliness and isolation are difficult to experience — and they can contribute to serious mental health conditions like depression if left unaddressed. Therapy provides a safe space to begin exploring ways to make connections, while also building a meaningful relationship with your therapist along the way.

Ready to reach out and start building the skills to connect with others? Sign up for a free consultation today!

About the Author

Hannah Cohen, LGPC, is an associate therapist at The Sterling Group, specializing in working with young adults navigating the stresses of young adulthood. I help my clients address anxiety, depress ion, trauma, relati onship issues, substance use, and identity development - all aspects of life that come with being a young adult. I love working with those from neurodiverse backgrounds, and understanding that therapy – just like people! – comes in many forms and is not one-size-fits-all. As part of the queer community, I especially enjoy working with LGBTQ+-identifying folks to address their unique identity, social, and relational needs!

How to Deal with Loneliness and Isolation in a Large City